Protesters Seize Stadium as Lopez Threats Increase

[Dan Farnell]

BUENOS AIRES -- Amidst swirling rumors, a near labor stoppage, and serious concerns about a skull-softening chemical, the Buenos Aires Dolphins were swept by the Northwest Emeralds in the first round of the playoffs. At the conclusion of the series, Lopez tweeted that he should have used replacement players, or scabs in the parlance of the players.

Dolphins faithful did not take kindly to his statement. The protests that had been raging throughout the country following Lopez's temporary decision to suspend and trade Abilio Boye have set their sights directly on Lopez's EVILCORP properties, chief among them Dolphins Stadium.

Mere hours after fans watched their Dolphins be eliminated in game 4, protesters pushed through police lines surrounding the stadium. Reports and viral videos showed police offering minimal resistance, a signal of near universal hatred for Lopez. Eventually, police fled the scene, and a crowd of at least 20,000 flooded into the stadium. A group of similar size has remained there since, living in tents and sustainably farming small subsistence crops in deep left field. Other EVILCORP properties have been similarly seized. The protesters represent the entire political spectrum in Argentina, their one uniting demand: Sell the team, Lopez.

As for the owner, he seems to have no intention to meet their demand. The bill to provide 110% of the funding his new stadium still looks poised to make it into law, but the opposition to it is growing in the halls of congress. Perhaps feeling threatened, Lopez has resumed tweeting out thinly veiled threats of moving the team. On Tuesday, he tweeted "Montevideo is just lovely this time of year! I highly recommend vacationing there, especially if you enjoy DOLPHIN-WATCHING!!!!"

The players all declined comment, even Pat Vinson, who will usually talk to me if I agree to put him as an unnamed source, but he wasn't willing to even do that.

General Manager Jake appeared somewhat torn, speaking softly and rubbing his brow, he said, "I just hope all of this finds a peaceful resolution. I am prepared to support the decisions of my employer 110%, and I hope the players can do the same."

-Dan Farnell

Dan Farnell is the beat writer for the Buenos Aires Dolphins. He is working on a new book Star-Struck: The Time I Met José Ríos