Melbourne fires pitching coach after leaked argument

[Dembe Kihiga]

MELBOURNE, Australia - Earlier today, my colleague Dan Farnell reported on an argument between the Melbourne Meteors' pitching coach and manager over who would be pitching. The argument, which stemmed from a misunderstanding about the name of pitcher Hung-K'uei He, reportedly nearly came to blows, with both men insulting each other's intelligence and sanity.

Today, I visited Meteors GM Bob Weinberg to interview him about this altercation, but in the middle of our interview, a rather unexpected interruption occurred, giving me far more information than my interviews with Weinberg (who has been compared unfavorably to a large boulder in terms of distribution of information) usually yield. Below is the transcript of our interview, beginning just before the interruption:

Dembe Kihiga: Bob, come on, you've gotta give me something. Has the manager been fired?

Bob Weinberg: No comment.

DK: Are the pitching coach and the manager on speaking terms?

BW: No comment.

DK: I've heard rumors that players in the clubhouse are taking sides. Is that true?

BW: No comment.

DK: Is it true that -

Harold Threlfall, Meteors starting pitcher, bursting through door unannounced: WHAT IS GOING ON?

BW: Harold, not now.

HT: Not now? You fire the pitching coach without consulting the pitchers and then have the nerve to tell me not now?

DK: Wait, Bob, did you fire the pitching coach?

BW: Harold, I have a reporter here, can we please do this later?

HT: A reporter? Perfect. Listen, reporter, here's what's up. Our idiot manager couldn't figure out who He is - I mean we literally have 5 pitchers in the rotation, it's not hard to figure out who he meant! But no, somehow this becomes the pitching coach's fault.

DK: Was the pitching coach fired because of this incident?

HT: No, Bob has had it in for our pitching coach for years now. This is just an excuse.

BW: Listen, Dembe, I thought you were interviewing me.

DK: Bob, was the pitching coach fired?

BW: No comment.

HT: Yes, he was! And the worst part is that nobody asked the pitchers for our opinion!

BW: Okay! Fine! He was fired! And do you know why?? BECAUSE HE SUCKED! Like, look at our pitching staff over the last two years. Cheng is terrible now. Park's career is probably ruined, I'm just glad we were able to move him. Threlfall is so bad we've had to demote him!

HT: What?

BW: Wait, I wasn't supposed to say that. Uhh. Well.

HT: You're demoting me because I stood up for our pitching coach?

BW: No, we're demoting you because your ERA is over 8 this year!! And it was over 5 last year! You've been terrible for like 18 months!

HT: I want a trade. Get me out of this place.

BW: Who's gonna want you? ERA of 8. Give me a break. Get out of my office.

DK: Bob, is it true you've demoted Harold Threlfall to the minors?

BW: No comment.

Dembe Kihiga is the beat writer for the Melbourne Meteors. She is deeply grateful to Harold Threlfall for volunteering information, and is getting increasingly annoyed with the GM for never saying anything.